1.) A good friend to talk about my problems with. You know the one that you can call any time to talk to about things.

2.) Ok friends in general. Not the intimate personal kind, but the ones you can just simply go out and grab a drink with and blow off steam.

3.) My mom. God its been 12 years and a bit more since she died. Kinda the reason I have seperation anxiety, then again I followed her around like a puppy and have been so very lost without. Not in a Epdipus Complex sorta way, but in a best friend in the world kinda way. My partner leaves for a night away with a friend of ours not once, but twice, and I panic. I act like an ass. Someone pointed out to me recently that it was sepration anxiety, god another issue i have to deal with.

You would think that I would have friends, or a friend, or anything. But honestly I don't. Work and distance have conspired to remove all my friends. I have acquaitances, but either they dont' want to listen to my problems and help me out, or they want to set me up with their friends, or they are afraid I am going to hit on them or make a move on them, or god forbid molest their child because I am gay and all gay guys molest people. (those acquaitnaces aren't acquaintances any more thankfully). And lord knows my temper, my depression, my anexity have done everything they could to come between those friends of mine that still want to call me and mine friends.

And I could vent my problems through blogging but I have been told not to beacsue who the hell wants to read my problems.


In the end I simply miss a true friend in my life that accepts my faults and my problems and moves on beyond them. Somone to cry with, to laugh with, someone to help me beat back the darkness that haunts my soul, when it gets a bit to prounced in my life, somoene who will let me return the favor. But then again, when all my problems are taken into account, i don't think mother theresa, god rest her soul, woudl want to be my friend. this isn't pity, or a pity party, just a dawning realization that adds another thing to the list of things that haunt me.

In the past 48 hours President-Elect Obama has done an about face on his election night promise of no political insiders and no repeats from previous administrations. Lets take a look.....

Choice #1..Rahm Emmanuel from illinois the #4 most powerful political insider, fourth only behind Nancy Pelosi, Barney Frank, and one other who i don't know off hand. Rahm has been tapped for his Chief of Staff.

Other choices include Governor Bill Richards or Senator Richard Lugar for Secretary of State, and two retred's from the Clinton and Carter presidencies.

So far we have rich Latino's and White's being picked, where are the middle class brotha's being represented at. Oh that is right, Gov Rod Blagoihoweveryouspellit is promoting Jesse Jackson Jr to Barak's Senate seat, if the AG for Illinois doesn't say that the Govenor can appoint himself.

How many more things is he going to go back on. Time will tell.

I was awoken this morning about 2am with the urgent need to go to our basement and open a particular box that holds my baby pictures and the only picutres that i think i have of my grandparents, my dad, and my mom. I woke up from a relative sound sleep and just felt the need to open it. At which point I started balling like a baby, I have not thought about them, or dealt with them for over 12 years since my mom died. She was behind the camera and there are very very few of her, mostly my dad and my dad's parents, grandma and papa. Don't know why I did it, as I sit here I dont' know why i did it.

Just a very strange feeling at 2am in the morning. Hopefully I get back to sleep soon.

Spend it with good friends, enjoying their company....and finally meeting them. Thanks bullybear and bearland for taking time out of moving bearland to Purdue to spend a couple days with us.

When you have no one to talk to about things, when posting on this forum it's labeled as "drama".
What the heck do you do when you really need to get soemthing off your chest? Any clues?

More Wandering Herds...







Here are some mobile examples.....



Here are the next generation.....



Ok, couldn't help this one.......the quote is "THAT much for a Blow Job?"

scotty_2_shoes !!!!

We spent the day travelling Branson's Landing section and found several instances of the wild bucks out and about....









Well, there were the Blue Herron's as well...





We also saw some nice rainbows from the Branson Landings Fountain...





More from Branson Tommorow.

Congrats to Eli and his team. Great to see both manning brothers now have superbowl rings.

My bear and I treked up to Peoria to have dinner with a friend of ours, and when we came back down to Springfield we thought we ran onto the set for the movie "The Mist" or Stephen King's "The Fog". It normally takes us about an hour and a half to get home from Peoria if we don't push it. It took us nearly 4 hours driving 35 MPH.

In fact, when we stopped to grab a drink and stretch our legs the front of the car from the nose to the side mirrors was coated in a 1/4 inch coating of hoarfrost.

But we did make it home. Eventually.

interpaneer and mosaicub

 

Sometime tommorow they will be taking his grandfather off of "life support" to allow him to pass with what dignity that they can. The information from recent CAT and MRI scans show that he will not be able to recover from the stroke he suffered last friday. And the pneumonia that he originally went into the hospital for is progressing instead of getting better.

Larry was very close to his grandfather and grandmother, who passed a few year ago, and this will be inccredibly tough for him. he will need the support of his freinds from both online and off. please leave messages here, or those of you who know how to get hold of us please do so.

Bear, I love you deeply and know how this loss will affect you. You are my rock of strength and support, so now i will do the same for you. My arms to hold you, my shoulder to support you, my compassion to comfort you and yours.

Had all 4 of my wisdom teeth out today. Don't recommend it when you are older, do it when you are youner. They are throbing to beat the band and i can't eat anything heavy for 72 hours. ick.


Went to see an early showing of Transformers the Movie. AWESOME!!! simply fantastic, kudos to mike bay and steve speildburg.

Had great weekend, went to KC and hung out with two new friends Aaron and Kyle. Also ran into bear_eagle and had dinner with him on friday (6/15) at a place called 54th street bar and grill. Not sure if its specific to KC but man the food was killer. The bartender was an idiot, hot but and idiot, and got my beer wrong. I thought he would crap himself when I told him he just lost his tip for the evening, but he made up for it by giving great service and coming oh so close to hitting on me (don't tell wxbear73 he wasn't payin attention) and boy woudl i have taken him up on it.

Had lunch at a local BBQ joint with some of the local bear club, and it was ok, but everyone told me my taste buds are off because it was supposed to be one of the better ones in town. Will have to go back and try it again when we come back.

We saw F4: Rise of the Silver Surfer on saturday with a bunch of friends of A and K's. Great guys, even better movie, well the scene of muscled and furry jonny storm coming out of the shower was worth the price of admission, can we say SCHWING!!!!!!! Only problem is that they needed to cameo some of the other Marvel characters for spin off's.

The party that night was not my shining moment, i forgot to mention in my post about the procedure on 6/14 but (a) cramping can occur and (b) burning nerves that contol the sex drive don't mix. So i found out on friday and hid in the bedroom saturday night for fear of a repeat. Suffice it to say only 3 of the people actually staying in the house got off this weekend, and i wasn't one of them.

Other than that, we loved what we saw of KC, next time is the touristy thing.

Anyone going to be in St Louis for pride let eihter myself or wxbear73 know we shoudl be down there as well.

Last thursday (6/14) I had 10 needles stuck into my back (one at a time) for what they RF Thermal Ablasion Therapy. In which lesions were placed at the point my nerve roots leave my spinal column to, one on each side. They will last for about a year before my body will heal them or heal over them, and I will have to have it again.

The relief is almost instanteous, well after the drugs wear off. But it has bought me a year to lost 100# so i can go in and have the blasted disk either repaired or removed. To say the least I am motivated to lose the weight.

If anyone has any specific questions please direct them to bear411 or bearciti, same nick.

Appearantly my bear thought i needed a new name. So I moved to Wxcub72.